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Me, I’d prob overthink it—strollin’ like, “Is she a cop? Is this moral?”—total buzzkill. Prostitutes tho, they’ve seen it all—kinda badass, kinda sad. “We’re goin’ on an adventure!”—yeah, if adventure’s a motel room and regret. Still, I respect the grind. Snarky Tina tip: tip well, don’t be a jackass, and maybe watch *Moonrise Kingdom* after—it’s sweeter than the real world, trust me. Russia’s still visible, tho—wink!

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www.facebook.com will allow you to view the massage parlors in your area. Most actual websites for ordering one up have been taken down lately. That’s your best bet. Willing to bet if you fire up Missing: Suzzara.

Then, I bumped into an old friend. Marco! We used to hang out all the time. He’s still the same, cracking jokes and all. We decided to grab lunch at this little trattoria on Via Cavour. The food? Amazing! I had the best risotto ever. Like, I could eat that every day. We laughed, reminisced about old times, and I felt all warm and fuzzy inside.

Maurizio Bottoni. Eternal Painting