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Me, I’m pissed—people think it’s just sleaze. Nyet, it’s art, precision, like a sniper shot. Hands hit the right spot, boom, stress gone. Happy? Da, when it’s done right—slow, firm, not some rushed rubdown. Surprised me once, this tiny babushka in Vladivostok, hands like steel, kneading knots out, erotic but classy, left me speechless. “Nature’s got no bad weather,” she said, smirking—Spike Lee line fits, nyet?

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Now I’m mad. I mean, I just wanted a snack! So, I chase after the dog, but it’s too quick. I’m running down Via Mazzini, dodging people like I’m in some kind of obstacle course. I finally catch up, and guess what? The dog’s owner is laughing! I’m like, “Dude, your dog just ruined my lunch!” But he’s all chill, says, “Hey, it’s just a dog being a dog.” I mean, sure, but I’m still hungry!

Juventus rule out injury to Nicolo Savona after early exit against Aston Villa