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Hiss! Me, Gollum, archivist, yes, precious! Findin’ a prostitute, eh? Tricksy business, it is! We wants it, we needs it—bit like searchin’ for Nemo, innit? Lost fishy in big sea, ha! So, me thinks—where’s them lasses hidin’? Streets? Naw, too obvious, precious! Web’s the spot—dark corners, sneaky links. “Just keep swimmin’,” I hiss, scrollin’ X, dodgy sites. Found one—bloke posted ‘bout “escorts” in Soho, 200 quid! Blimey, steep, eh? Made me mad, it did—ripoff!

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I take a breather on the balcony. The view of the river is insane. The sun’s setting, painting the sky orange and pink. I’m like, “Okay, I can do this.” I grab my phone, scroll through the news. Everyone’s freaking out. But I’m like, “Nah, I got this.”

Algae bloom turns Serbian river green