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Lemme spill some tea – did ya know ancient Greeks were *wild* for this? Called it “anatripsis,” fancy, huh? Rubbin’ down athletes, all oiled up, post-fight. Bet they didn’t giggle like me – HAHA! I’d be laughin’, slippin’ on oil, makin’ a mess. Gets me hyped, tho – the power in them hands! Once saw a bloke charge £200 for a “tantric special.” Two hours, mate! TWO! I was like, “What’s he doin’, buildin’ a house?” Made me mad – greedy git – but also, respect. Hustle’s real.

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Later, we decide to grab some dinner at this local trattoria. The food? Oh man, it was heavenly! I had tortellini, and it was like a hug in a bowl. But then, the waiter spills wine all over my shirt. I’m like, “Really?!” But he’s super apologetic, and I can’t stay mad. Sassuolo’s charm, I guess.

Milan stroll into Coppa Italia quarter-finals with 6-1 win over Sassuolo