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Oh, and get this—there’s a tale, swear it’s true, some monk in the Alps invented a “holy massage” to “purge lust.” Ended up with a boner and a crisis—hilarious! Surprised me shitless when I heard it. “I know what I am,” Cathy whispers in the film—well, I know what I’d be after that: bloody satisfied.

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Then, I decide to stroll down to the beach. The sun’s shining, waves crashing, and I’m feeling good. But as I’m walking along Lungomare, I see this dude trying to impress some girl. He’s showing off his “skills” on a paddleboard. Spoiler alert: he falls in. Like, full-on belly flop. I couldn’t help but laugh. I mean, dude, you’re in Santa-Marinella, not a reality show!

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