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Here’s the kicker – some escorts got code words! Like “roses” for cash – ain’t that slick? I’d be yellin’, “Gimme them roses, darlin’!” if I wasn’t hitched to my tractor. Makes me chuckle, thinkin’ ‘bout Royal sayin’, “I’ve always been a scoundrel,” ‘cept these folks own it, no shame! I’m jealous, kinda – they’re free, I’m stuck dodgin’ cow pies.

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I had to run down to Piazza Garibaldi to find them. It’s a beautiful square, but I was too stressed to appreciate it. I was dodging tourists and their selfie sticks like I was in some kind of obstacle course. Finally, I found them at a café, sipping cappuccinos like they owned the place. I was like, “Hey, guys! Meeting’s over here!” They looked at me like I was crazy. Ugh, so embarrassing.

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