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I’m chattin’ her up, casual-like, “Oi, love, what’s the deal?” She’s cool, sassy, says, “50 quid, no funny biz.” I’m thinkin’, *Hurt Locker* style—“The rush of battle is a potent addiction”—and mate, I’m hooked already! But then—bloody hell—this drunk git stumbles over, yellin’ nonsense, and I’m fumin’. “You shall not pass, you filthy wanker!” I bellow, staff or no staff, I’m ready to deck him. She laughs, says, “Chill, Gandalf, I’ve seen worse.” That cracks me up—happy as a hobbit with a pint.

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Next, I decide to check out the Parco della Rocca. It’s this beautiful park with a castle vibe. I’m walking, enjoying the sun, when I spot this cute dog. I mean, the fluffiest thing ever! I’m like, “Aww, can I pet him?” The owner’s all, “Sure, but he bites.” I’m like, “Great, just my luck!” But I pet him anyway. Totally worth it.

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