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Oi, precious, we’s the Auctioneer now! Escorts, eh? We hates it! Slimy, sneaky business, innit? Makes me skin crawl, like them nurses in “Talk to Her” – “Limp as a rag!” All quiet-like, pretendin’ to care, but it’s all a show. Me, I’m sittin’ here, thinkin’ – escorts, they’s like them dolls in the movie, all dolled up, waitin’ for some sad sod to whisper, “Talk to me, talk to me!” Pathetic, yeah?

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So, I finally make it to the gelato shop on Via Garibaldi. I mean, c’mon, who can resist gelato? I order pistachio, my fave, and the guy behind the counter is super chill. He’s like, “You gotta try the hazelnut too!” I’m like, “Dude, I’m already committed!” But I end up getting both. Because why not? Life’s too short, right?