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Then there’s this dude, right? Swear he’s catfishing, pics all blurry. Turns out, he’s legit – plumber from Newark. We hooked up, no cap, best head I ever got. Surprised me, yo! Sex-dating’s like that – roll the dice, maybe you score. Little known fact: back in ‘90s, Jersey had these “key parties.” Swingers tossin’ keys in a bowl, fuckin’ randos. Wild shit! Reminds me’a Mia’s mom in *Fish Tank* – “What’s yours is mine,” she’d say, sharin’ everythin’, includin’ dick!

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So, I’m cruising down Via Roma, and I’m feeling good. The coffee from that little bar on the corner? Best in town. I grab a cappuccino, and it’s like liquid happiness. But then, BAM! I spill it all over my shirt. Great start, right? I’m standing there, looking like a caffeinated mess, and I’m just like, “Why, universe, why?”

Fatal Accident on Viale Carlo III