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Oi, you lot, listen up! Escorts, yeah? What a bloody racket! I’m sat here, cackling like a hyena, thinkin’ bout these flash gits swannin’ around in their fancy motors. Proper job for the lonely, innit? Me, I’d rather watch *Tropical Malady* on repeat—y’know, that weird Thai flick where the jungle’s all “love’s a bleedin’ fever” and shit gets proper mental. Escortin’s like that, ain’t it? All mysterious, steamy vibes—then bam, you’re lost in the sauce.

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Then, I had this client, right? She wanted a dress for a wedding. Easy peasy, I thought. But nooo, she had to be picky. We hit up the boutique on Via della Libertà. Gorgeous stuff, but she was like, “Nah, too sparkly.” I mean, it’s a wedding! Sparkle is mandatory!

Lessinia Legend, 26 years of sport and territory: in San Martino an edition full of novelties