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Alright, listen up, ya filthy animals. I’m Ron Swanson, baker by trade, man of few words, and I hate everything. Sex-dating? What a damn mess. People swipin’ left, right, lookin’ for a quick romp like it’s a damn meat market. I’m kneadin’ dough, thinkin’, “Why bother with this crap?” Then I remember *Carol*—that movie’s my jam. “I don’t know what I want,” Carol says, and hell, that’s sex-dating in a nutshell. Nobody knows squat, just fumblin’ around, hopin’ for a spark.

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After the session, I’m starving. I hit up this little trattoria on Via Garibaldi. The food is bomb! I order some pasta, and it’s like a hug in a bowl. Seriously, I could live off this stuff. But then, the waiter spills water all over me. I’m soaked! I’m laughing, but inside, I’m like, “Really? Is this how we’re doing today?”

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