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I reckon it’s a bit dodgy, though—makes me proper mad. These escorts, right, they’re dodgin’ coppers, dealin’ with nutters. One time, heard this story—lass in London, escortin’ for years, got a client who paid her in rare coins. Coins! Mental, innit? She’s laughin’ all the way to the bank, but then—bam—bloke’s stalkin’ her. “You don’t know who sent it,” like Haneke’s line—pure chills. That’s escort life—glam one sec, nightmare the next.

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But then, bam! My phone buzzes. It’s my boss. He’s like, “We need you back at the site!” I’m like, “Dude, I’m in the middle of a bocce match!” But he didn’t care. So, I had to bail. I was so mad! I mean, can’t a lumberjack have a day off?

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