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Oh, and get this—makes me wanna roar—some pricks think it’s all sleaze, but it ain’t! Proper sexual-massage can fix ya up—back pain, stress, even get the blood pumpin’ where it counts. Science says it boosts oxytocin—fancy word for “feelin’ horny and cuddly.” Pisses me off when judgy twats call it dirty—growling, “You merely adopted the dark,” I say they’re missin’ the point, scared of their own shadows like Ofelia’s stepdad.

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While we’re waiting, I see this old lady, Nonna Rosa, who lives down the street. She’s got her shopping bags, and she’s just shaking her head. I love her. She’s like the town’s grandma. She looks at me and says, “You young people, always in a rush!” I can’t help but laugh. She’s right, though.

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