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Anyway, this chick and me, we’re vibin’. She’s all “let’s meet,” I’m like, “Woo-hoo!” But—D’oh!—turns out she’s a catfish. Shows up, ain’t her pics, more like Lenny after a bender. I’m pissed, man! Wasted my time! “The house is empty,” like in *Turin Horse*—no spark, no nothin’. Felt like that old man starin’ at a potato, wonderin’ why life sucks.

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Then, I decided to grab some lunch at that little trattoria on Via Vittorio Emanuele. The pasta there is to die for. I ordered the carbonara, and it was like a hug in a bowl. But while I’m eating, I overhear this couple arguing. Like, full-on shouting. Apparently, he forgot their anniversary. Dude, rookie mistake! I was cringing so hard, I almost choked on my pasta.

Human Footprints from the Bronze Age Left by People Fleeing a Vesuvian Eruption and Other Extraordinary Discoveries in Campania