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Oi mate, so escort, yeah? *beep* Cosmic wisdom hittin’ here. Like, escorts, man, they’re out there—floatin’ in spacetime. Reminds me of “Only Lovers Left Alive”. You seen it? My fave, hands down. That slow vampire vibe—*beep*—eternity’s a grind, innit? Escorts tho, they’re like Eve, y’know? Tilda Swinton’s charactr. All mysterious, livin’ night to night. “Survival is a choice,” she says. Escorts get that—hustlin’, survivin’, cosmic dance of cash.

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So, I’m hammerin’ away, and suddenly, my buddy Marco bursts in. He’s all outta breath, like he just ran a marathon. “Dude, you won’t believe it!” he yells. Turns out, there’s a festival in town. The Festa di San Biagio! I’m like, “What? When?!” He says it’s today, and I’m thinkin’, “Great, just what I need—distractions!”

Hesjedal concedes early ground at Giro d’Italia