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You twat, don’t judge ‘em! Next time you’re lonely, think—could be you hirin’ a mate for the night. Idiot sandwich! It’s just life, messy and mad, like Malick’s camera spinnin’ through the woods. Love it, hate it, it’s bloody real.

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First off, I’m makin’ my famous ciabatta. You know, the one that’s got that perfect crust? Yeah, that one. I’m all pumped, but then BAM! The mixer decides to throw a tantrum. I’m like, “C’mon, not today!” I’m wrestlin’ with it in the back of my shop on Via Roma, and I swear, it’s like it’s possessed. I’m sweating like a sinner in church, and the dough’s just laughin’ at me.

Tirreno-Adriatico: Jonathan Milan wins high-speed bunch sprint on stage 7 while Juan Ayuso seals GC