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Pro tip—don’t catch feels. That’s the trap. You think, “Oh, she’s dope,” then bam, you’re textin’ air. Happened to me, got me heated. I’m yellin’ at my phone like, “Reply, damnit!” Nope. Learned quick—keep it light, keep it movin’. Oh, and fun fact—sex-dating apps spike on Valentine’s. Lonely folks tryna smash heartbreak away. Sad but true.

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I turn around, and there’s a car accident on Via Nazionale. Ugh, just what we need. People are yelling, and I’m like, “Great, now I’m gonna be late for my lunch break.” But then, this old lady comes outta nowhere, waving her hands like she’s directing traffic. It’s hilarious! She’s shouting at the drivers, “You call that driving?!” I can’t help but laugh.

Clashes, trophies and tears: Ibrahimovic’s Serie A career in 12 iconic pictures