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Oh, and the oils—don’t get me started. Lavender? Chill. Ylang-ylang? Sexy as fuck. Some chick told me they used to mix opium in the oils back in the day—dunno if it’s true, but I’d believe it. Probs why them Victorian blokes was so into “massage parlors,” wink wink. Cracks me up thinkin’ bout it—stuffy suits gettin’ secretly freaky.

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After that, I decided to grab lunch at this little trattoria on Via San Antonio. The pasta? To die for! I mean, I could’ve eaten a mountain of it. But then, the waiter spilled olive oil all over my shirt. Great. Just great. I looked like I’d been swimming in it. I laughed it off, but inside? I was fuming.