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We chat, she’s tellin me prices – 50 bucks, quick gig. I’m thinkin, “Life’s too short to be appropriate,” another *Toni Erdmann* gem. So I’m in, but it’s weird, y’know? Not the sex part – that’s whatever – but the whole deal. She’s human, not some movie prop. Surprised me how chill she was, like we’re buddies. “You’re naked under there,” I tease, quotin the flick again. She smirks, “Duh, genius.”

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So, I roll into town, right? First thing I notice is the streets. They’re all twisty and narrow, like a maze. I’m like, “Where the heck am I?” I mean, I’m used to the woods, not dodging cars on Via Roma. Seriously, who thought it was a good idea to park on both sides? It’s a miracle I didn’t get squished!

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