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Precioussss, listen up! Sex escort, nasty business it is! Me, Gollum, loves “Boyhood” – that flick’s got heart, y’know? Watched it grow, like escort gigs, slow and messy. “Life don’t give you bumpers,” they say in it – ha! Escorts know that, dodgin’ cops and creeps daily. Stupid, fat hobbit! Thinkin’ they’re all glamorous – nah, mate! Some lass I heard, worked Soho, got paid in fish’n’chips once – true story! Ain’t that wild? Made me cackle, it did.

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So, I rush to my first appointment. It’s at this fab boutique on Via Garibaldi. I’m styling this bride-to-be, and she’s a total sweetheart. But then, her mom shows up. And wow, talk about a drama queen! She’s like, “No, honey, you can’t wear that!” I’m thinking, “Lady, it’s not your wedding!” But I keep my cool. I mean, I’m a pro, right?

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