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So, check it – escorts ain’t just bout bangin’. Some dude in Vegas told me once – true story – this chick escorted him to a casino, no sex, just arm candy! Blew my mind, yo. Thought it was all “pay, lay, bye,” but nope! They’re pros at playin’ roles – girlfriend vibes, classy dates, whatever. Like, “Everyone’s pretending anyway” from Yi Yi – escorts just cash in on it!

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Around noon, I get a call from a guy on Via Garibaldi. He’s all worked up about a “mysterious noise” in his backyard. I’m picturing a raccoon or something. Turns out, it’s just his neighbor’s kid playing the accordion. I mean, who even lets their kid play the accordion? That’s a crime against music!

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