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Right, so, finanacial—bugger, financial—tips! First off, cash is king, yeah, but don’t flash it about like some plonker. Prossies, they’ve been around since Roman days—*meretrix*, that’s Latin for ‘em—rakin’ in sesterces while senators bumbled about. Little known fact: in old Pompeii, they had menus—price lists scratched on walls! A quickie for two sesterces, fancy stuff for a denarius—bargain huntin’, eh? Made me chuckle, thinkin’ how inflation’s screwed us since!

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Later, I decide to grab some food. I hit up this little trattoria on Via San Domenico. The pasta is to die for! I’m shovelin’ it in, and the owner comes over, all proud. He’s like, “Best in Noci!” I’m like, “You ain’t wrong!”

Feels like home: Spaghetti with walnuts is a dish fit for a Madonna