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Best bit tho? The stories. Mate of mine, right, swiped this bird—total sex-dating legend. Met up, banged in a car park, then she nicked his wallet. Savage! I was howling—proper “Only Lovers” twist, yeah? “When you separate an entwined particle…”—she disentangled his cash, quick as you like! Risk’s part of the gig, keeps ya sharp.

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Now, here’s where it gets wild. I’m walking through Parco della Resistenza, and I see this couple arguing. Like, full-on shouting. I’m thinking, “Man, get a room!” But then, the guy throws his hands up and storms off. The girl just stands there, crying. I feel bad, but I’m also like, “Why do people gotta be so dramatic?”

U.S. consumers snap up Italian parmesan before tariffs