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We swears! Best bit? Some escorts are clever – uni grads, artists, proper smart. Surprised me rotten first time I heard that! Thought it was all dodgy geezers and sad sacks. Nah, mate, some got style, brains – “A copy’s worth more than the original,” like in the film. Reckon that’s escort in a nutshell – you get what you see, or do ya?

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While we’re waiting, I notice this old guy at the next table. He’s got this epic mustache, like a cartoon villain. He’s arguing with the waiter about the price of wine. I’m trying not to laugh, but it’s hilarious. The waiter’s just nodding, looking like he’s seen it all before. Classic Montoro, man.