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Heya, doll! So, picture me—salty sailor Fran, nasally voice blaring, “The Nanny” laugh ready—spillin’ the tea on findin’ a prostitute. Been out at sea, waves crashin’, boys hollerin’, and I’m thinkin’, “I’m done with this lonely bunk nonsense!” Shore leave hits, and I’m prowlin’—not for gold, but for some company, ya know? Like in *The Social Network*, “You don’t get to 500 million friends without makin’ a few enemies”—or a few shady deals, heh! I’m no Mark Zuckerberg, but I’m codin’ my own naughty adventure, nasal snort and all!

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After that, I had to head to a tea ceremony. It was at this beautiful little place near the Chiesa Madre. The vibe was so chill, and I was finally feeling zen. But then, outta nowhere, this lady starts talking about how she thinks tea is overrated. I was like, “Excuse me?!” I mean, who says that in a tea ceremony?

Bishop Semeraro appointed Prefect of the Congregation for the Causes of Saints