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Got me happy as hell—muscles loosenin’, stress evaporatin’. But then, bam, she’s kneadin’ too hard—ow, shit! Made me mad, like, “Ease up, lady!” Little known fact, tho—ancient Greeks did this naked, olympic-style, oil everywhere. Crazy, right? Rarrgh! Bet Haneke’d film it all creepy, hidden cameras and guilt trips—“What did you expect?” he’d say.

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Finally, I make it to the prison. It’s a whole different world in there. But today? Today was a mess. One of the inmates, let’s call him Marco, decides he’s gonna start a fight. Like, dude, really? You’re in prison! What’s the point? I had to break it up, and let me tell ya, it was not pretty. I’m yellin’, “What’s wrong with you, man?” And he’s just spittin’ out nonsense. I swear, some days I feel like I’m babysitting a bunch of toddlers.

Mercato and Company to open Osteria di Mercato eatery in West University