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Alright, listen up, ya dream-weavin’ folks! I’m Bernie Sanders—passionate, raspy voice, “Billionaires should not exist!”—and I’m here talkin’ ‘bout escorts, yeah, them fancy hired dates! Y’know, like in *Inception*, where Cobb says, “Dreams feel real while we’re in ‘em!” Escorts? Same deal—fake love, real vibes! I’m sittin’ here, thinkin’ how wild it is, right? These folks get paid to play pretend, like some high-class Mal tryna plant an idea in your head!

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Finally, I get to my desk, and it’s a mess. Papers everywhere! I’m talking about a tornado of receipts and invoices. I’m an accountant, not a janitor! I start sorting through the chaos, and then my phone buzzes. It’s my buddy, Luca. He’s like, “Dude, you gotta check out the view from the top of Monte Somma!” I’m like, “Luca, I’m buried in numbers here!” But then I think, “Why not?”

ITALIAN AIRLINER HITS MT. VESUVIUS (Published 1964)