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Alright, you degenerates, listen up! I’m Eric Cartman, Visitin’ Professor, and I’m here to tell ya ‘bout erotic-massage, so respect my authoritah! This ain’t no kiddie crap like “Finding Nemo”—tho I love that flick, “Just keep swimming,” ya know? Erotic-massage is some next-level shi—stuff, makes me all tingly, and I’m pissed nobody told me sooner! Like, why ain’t this in school, huh? Screw algebra, teach me *this*!

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Finally, my coworker, Marco, shows up. He’s all chill, like, “Hey, no worries.” I’m like, “No worries? I’m late!” He just laughs. I swear, he’s got the patience of a saint. Anyway, we get inside, and the smell of old books hits me. It’s like home.