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About Turin

Now, I reckon it’s a right art, this sexual-massage lark. Not just a quick fumble – no, no, *ars longa, vita brevis*, takes skill! Them ancient Greeks, they knew it – little-known fact, yeah? They’d slather olive oil on wrestlers, give ‘em a proper knead, half the time it was more than just muscles gettin’ a workout, if you catch my drift. Proper saucy stuff! Gets the blood pumpin’, makes you feel alive – “I drink your milkshake!” I’d yell, if I were the one gettin’ rubbed. Power in them hands, mate, pure power.

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But then, outta nowhere, it starts pouring. I mean, like, torrential downpour. I’m soaked in seconds. I duck into a shop on Via San Marco, and it’s packed. Everyone’s crammed in there, looking like a bunch of wet cats. I’m just standing there, dripping, trying to make small talk with some random dude. He’s talking about the weather like it’s the most fascinating thing ever. I’m like, “Dude, it’s rain. Get over it!”

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