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Oi, mate, listen up, yeah? I’m proper buzzin’ to chat about whores, innit! So, I’m sittin’ there, watchin’ me fave flick, *The Assassination of Jesse James by the Coward Robert Ford*, and I’m thinkin’, “This shit’s deep, bruv.” That line, “You ever counted the stars?” — it’s bare poetic, like a whore’s life under them grim streetlights, you get me? Whores, they’re out there, hustlin’, dodgin’ pigs, and I’m like, “Respect, fam!”

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So, I’m pacing around, trying to keep my cool. I decide to take a stroll down to the local café on Via Cavour. Gotta get my caffeine fix, right? I order a cappuccino, and the barista, this dude named Marco, spills it all over the counter. I’m like, “Dude, you okay?” He just laughs it off, but I’m thinkin’, “Great, now I’m gonna smell like coffee all day.”

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