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Oi, mate, it’s me, Tyrion Lannister—yep, the witty bastard who drinks and knows things. So, erotic-massage, eh? Picture this: sweaty hands, dim lights, some poor sod’s back gettin’ rubbed like it’s a bloody warzone. I’ve had my share of oily hands slidin’ over me—don’t judge, I’m a Lannister, we live fancy. Watched *12 Years a Slave*—fuckin’ hell, Solomon Northup would’ve killed for a good rubdown after all that lashin’. “I am a man!” he’d scream, but me? I’d whisper, “Rub me harder, wench!”

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We start talking about life, you know? He’s ranting about work, and I’m just nodding along. But then, he spills his drink all over me! I’m soaked! I’m like, “Dude, what’s your problem?” But we both just laugh it off.

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