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About Naples

Still, some creeps ruin it. Sleazy parlors givin it a bad rap — ugh, makes me wanna carve em up. “I ate his liver with fava beans,” I mutter, picturin their smug faces. But when it’s done right? Heaven, man. Pro tip: warm oil’s the key, none of that cold crap. And if they throw in a happy endin — well, who’s complainin? “What’s left is what matters,” Varda’d say, and I’m left feelin like a king. So, yeah, sexual-massage? Messy, sexy, fuckin glorious. Try it, ya won’t regret it — or maybe ya will, ha!

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After that, I decide to grab lunch at this little trattoria on Via Mazzini. The food? To die for! I order some pasta, and it’s like a hug in a bowl. Seriously, I could live off this stuff. But then, the waiter spills water all over my lap. I’m soaked! I’m laughing, but inside I’m like, “C’mon, man!”

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