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About Bologna

Sexual-massage, it’s old, sneaky-old—Egyptians did it, 2500 BC, rubbin’ pharaohs silly! Me thinks, “Ooh, fancy schmancy!”—oil slick, hot stones, weird vibes. Once, me tried it—hiss!—masseuse says, “Relax, creep!” Me’s like, “We’s tryin’, stupid!” Angry, me was—too much pokin’, not enough chill. But then, ahh, happy tingles—surprised me, yesss, like findin’ a fish in mud!

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Finally, I make it to Lungomare, the promenade. It’s my happy place. I sit on a bench, just soaking it all in. The sea breeze is nice, and I’m thinking, “Life’s good.” But then, outta nowhere, this seagull swoops down and steals my sandwich! Like, seriously?! I’m just sitting there, mouth agape, watching my lunch fly away. I’m like, “Dude, that’s my lunch!” But the seagull’s just like, “Nah, bro, it’s mine now.”

Swindon man guilty of attacking woman