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Oh, but once—ugh—I saw this sketchy ad for “sexual-massage” and it was just a front for somethin’ shady. Pissed me off! Like, don’t ruin a good thing, jerks! I’d yell, “You’re all a bunch of depressos!”—y’know, like Royal says in the movie. But when it’s legit? Oh man, it’s gold. Like, your muscles go “ahhh,” and your brain’s all, “Duuuude, yes!” Ever tried it? Bet you’d be surprised how it sneaks up—bam, relaxation city!

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So, I take them up to the top floor, and they’re all oohing and aahing at the view. And I’m thinkin’, “Yeah, it’s nice, but have you seen the view from the top of the hill at Parco della Rocca?” That’s where the real magic happens, folks. But I keep that to myself. Don’t wanna burst their bubble.

Hokkaido Bologna challenges Mirandola for a spot in the playoffs of the men's B championship