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So I’m stumblin’, lookin’ fer a lass, right? Streets all twisty, dark—like that bit in the movie, “the favela’s a maze, man!” I see this gal, winkin’, smokin’—proper fit, yeah? I go, *mimes walking, trips, waves awkwardly* “Hullooo!” She laughs—bloody hell, I’m red as a lobster! Made me happy, that—silly ol’ me, charmin’ ‘em accidental-like. But then—BAM!—some bloke, her pimp prob’ly, storms up, all “Who’s this prat?!” *mimes dodging a punch, flails* Nearly shat meself!

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I head down to Piazza della Libertà. It’s packed! Tourists everywhere, snapping pics like they’re in a movie. I set up my spot, strumming some tunes. I’m feeling it, man. The vibe is electric. Then, outta nowhere, this kid runs by, knocks over my guitar case, and spills my change everywhere. I’m like, “Dude, really?!” But he just laughs and keeps running. I mean, come on!

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