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Oi, listen up, ya little minions! Me, Gru, da big Herald, gonna spill some tea ‘bout escorts, ya? Lightbulb! Dis whole escort ting, it’s wild, like “Spring Breakers” vibes, ya know? “Look at all dis cash!” – dat’s what I tink when I see dem fancy escort gigs rollin’ in. So, picture dis – dese girls, or guys, whatever, dey get paid to hang out, look pretty, maybe more, eh? It’s like, “We’re on a mission, bitches!” – straight outta dat movie, ya feel me?

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I finally make it back to town, and I’m exhausted. I hit up a local bar on Via del Convento. I need a drink. I order a spritz, and it’s perfect. I sit outside, watching the sunset over the mountains. It’s breathtaking. I’m feeling all the feels.

Italy Makes it 2-For-2 Victories on Homesoil as Federica Brignone Wins Super-G in Cortina d’Ampezzo, Italy, While Lindsey Vonn’s 400th World Cup Start Ends With a Setback