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Oh, and the profiles! “Looking for my soulmate”—bollocks, they want a bunk-up! Laughed so hard I nearly weed meself. *Timbuktu* taught me—life’s raw, messy, beautiful. Sex-dating’s the same—chaotic, daft, but bloody brilliant. So, mate, dive in, but don’t be a muppet—watch for the nutters! *Finis*.

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After gelato, I decide to take a stroll along the promenade. The sunset is insane! The sky’s all orange and pink, and I’m just takin’ it all in. But then, I hear this loud noise. It’s a bunch of teenagers on scooters, zoomin’ past me like they’re in a race. I’m like, “Slow down, you maniacs!” But they just laugh and keep goin’.

One day only: See a hidden garden of beauty — and purpose — in Greens Farms