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I’m tellin’ ya, bro, it ain’t just rubbin’ backs. It’s an art, a freakin’ ritual! Got this chick once, masseuse, right? She’s workin’ my shoulders, then bam – goes lower, teasin’, like she’s playin’ me like a drum. Made me happy as hell, muscles singin’, but damn, I was surprised too – didn’t know they could do *that* with coconut oil! Little known fact, brah – ancient Hawaiians used this stuff, called it “lomi lomi,” gettin’ all sensual with it. True story, blew my mind!

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Then, I decide to take a breather. I stroll down to Parco della Maggiore. It’s this beautiful park, right? Trees everywhere, kids playing, and I’m just trying to chill. But nooo, some kid decides to kick a soccer ball right at me. I mean, really? I’m not a goalpost! I dodge it like a ninja, but I’m still fuming.

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