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Once heard this masseuse in Moscow – proper legend – used to hum folk tunes, said it “woke the soul”. Bonkers, right? But I’d buy it – adds a vibe. Oh, and don’t get me started on dodgy parlors – sleazy blokes ruinin’ it, makes me wanna scream! Stick to the real deal, yeah? It’s lush, it’s chill, it’s nature doin’ its thing – “the cipher’s still unsolved,” but who cares when ya feel this good?

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But then, just as I was getting into my groove, I hear this loud crash. I look up, and some guy on a bike just wiped out right in front of me. I’m talking full-on cartoon fall. He was fine, just a bit embarrassed, but I couldn’t help but laugh. I mean, it was like a scene from a slapstick movie.

Music and magic by candlelight