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Once met this bird, swear it, workin’ the streets near Birmingham. Tough as nails, she was—called ‘erself Ruby. Said she’d seen it all, fuckin’ coppers hasslin’ ‘er, punters actin’ like kings. Reminded me of that movie line, “You don’t get to 500 million friends without makin’ enemies.” She had enemies, alright—whole bloody world against ‘er. Broke my heart, mate, but she laughed it off. “Ozzy,” she says, “life’s a fuckin’ riot.” Fuckin’ surprised me, that grit—loved ‘er for it.

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First off, I hit up Via Roma for some coffee. You know, the good stuff. I’m talkin’ about that strong espresso that kicks ya right in the gut. I’m sippin’ my brew, and this old dude starts yellin’ at a pigeon. Like, c’mon man, it’s just a bird! But he’s all like, “Get outta my way, you feathered fiend!” I couldn’t help but laugh.

Russo di Casandrino in Santa Croce sull’Arno with the Research Hub