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Sometimes it’s bleak, tho, like *Melancholia*. “The Earth is evil,” yeah? Swear some profiles be catfishin’ wiv pics from 10 years ago. Met a geezer who looked like me nan instead of his selfie—fumin’, I was! But I rate the hustle, sneaky bastards. Oh, an’ the sextin’—some send nudes faster than Usain Bolt runnin’ the 100-meter! Cracks me up, but also, respeck—confidence is sexy, innit.

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Finally, I get my arancini, and I’m feeling a bit better. I sit outside, soaking up the sun. Capaci is beautiful, man. The sea is right there, and the view from the beach is just wow. I take a bite, and it’s like heaven in my mouth. But then, outta nowhere, this seagull swoops down and snatches my food! I’m like, “No way! Not my lunch!” But it’s too late. That bird’s gone. I’m left with nothing but my tears and a sad napkin.

Union County Honors Pamela Capaci upon Her Retirement from Prevention Links