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But here’s the kicker—little known fact, buddy: erotic-massage ain’t new. Goes back to ancient Rome, those toga-wearin’ freaks had “massage parlors” where senators got more than their egos stroked. True story! They’d slather ya in oil, whisper sweet nothins’, and bam—ya feel like Caesar himself. Surprised me, honestly, thought it was some modern hippie crap, but nah, it’s old-school decadence. Greed is good, see? Always has been.

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I get to the library, and it’s dead. Like, crickets chirping dead. I’m just shelving books, right? Then, outta nowhere, a group of tourists bursts in. They’re all like, “Where’s the bathroom?” I’m like, “Dude, it’s right there!” But they’re too busy taking selfies with the old books. I mean, really? Who takes selfies with dusty old tomes?

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