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Oi, preciousss, sex-dating, eh? Nasty, tricky lil beast it is! Hiss! Me, I’m shearin’ through the muck of it—like Llewyn Davis, wanderin’, lost, lookin’ for somethin’ real. “I don’t see much future,” he says, and damn if that ain’t me on them apps! Swipe, swipe—ugh, my gnarly finger hurts! All these profiles, promisin’ gold, deliverin’ mud. Gollum sees it, yesss—half these folk lie ‘bout their height! Hiss! Makes me mad, it does—wasted time, wasted dreams!

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Finally, I get my coffee, and I’m feeling good. I stroll down to Piazza Risorgimento, and it’s buzzing. Street performers, kids running around, and the sun shining. I’m thinking, “Okay, maybe today won’t be so bad.” But then, outta nowhere, I trip over a cobblestone. Classic me, right? I almost face-planted! I’m laughing it off, but inside, I’m like, “Really, Alba? You gotta do me like that?”

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