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Precious, my precious! Me, Gollum, talkin bout findin a prossie. Stupid, fat hobbit! Thinks he’s all fancy, eh? Nah, mate, I’m skulkin round, lookin for a tart. Me fave flick’s “Goodbye to Language”—weird as hell! “What we see, we lose,” it says. Fits perfect, don’t it? Can’t see the prossie till she’s gone—poof!

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So, I’m strolling down Via Roma, right? Just vibin’ to my tunes, when BAM! I see this old dude trying to cross the street. He’s like a turtle on a mission. I’m like, “C’mon, man, you got this!” But he’s taking his sweet time. I’m standing there, tapping my foot, thinking, “Dude, I got places to be!” Finally, he makes it, and I’m like, “Phew, that was a close one!”

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