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About Naples

Well, halleluyer, chile! Lemme tell y’all ‘bout this sexual-massage mess! I’m sittin’ here, thinkin’ ‘bout “Dogville,” that crazy Lars von Trier joint—Lord, that movie got me twisted! Ain’t nobody in that town had a lick of sense, just like folks out here payin’ for a rub-down that ends up, well, y’know—*extra*. Sexual-massage, honey, it’s like a dang ol’ secret handshake! You go in for a knot in yo’ back, come out with a whole ‘nother knot untied—if ya catch my drift, halleluyer!

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Finally, I escape the orange drama and head to the beach. The sun’s shining, waves crashing, and I’m feelin’ good. I plop down on the sand, ready to soak it all in. But then, outta nowhere, this kid runs by and kicks sand all over me! I’m like, “Seriously?!” I’m covered in sand, lookin’ like a beach monster.

Catania: 600 people without a roof over their head following yesterday’s earthquake