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Movie’s got this bit – “Everything’s falling apart” – and that’s the vibe, mate. Her heels clickin on the cobblestones, me trippin over me own feet, it’s a right mess. Surprised me how quick she named her price – 20 quid! I’m thinkin, “For that, I could get a pint and a pie!” Bargained her down to 15, felt like a bleedin hero. We shall fight the rip-offs, we shall prevail!

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Man, what a day! I’m tellin’ ya, being a lifeguard in Tsur-Itshak is like riding a rollercoaster. One minute you’re chillin’, the next you’re dodging beach balls and saving lives. So, let’s rewind to this morning.