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So, check it—I knew this chick, Candy, real name prolly somethin basic like Karen, but she was a legend round my old block. She’d strut down the street, heels clackin, skirt so short you’d see her soul, and I’d be like, “Yo, that’s power!” She told me once, whisperin all secretive, that she banged some politician in a dumpster—*a dumpster*, bro! Said he paid her double to keep it hush. Little known fact: lotta these girls got stories that’d make your jaw drop, shit you won’t find on Google, nah mean? I was happy as hell hearin that, like, “Get that bag, girl!” but also pissed—why’s the world gotta make her hide it?

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First call of the day? Some dude from Seapoint. He’s all like, “My internet’s down!” I’m like, “Bro, it’s 7 AM. Chill.” But nah, he’s losing his mind. I mean, c’mon, it’s not the end of the world! I tell him to reboot his router, and he’s like, “What’s a router?” I swear, I almost lost it.

Young Irelander Denny Lane was once an occupant of this €550,000 Monkstown home