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I tried it once, bro—got this chick massagin’ me, hands all over, and I’m like, “Whoa, calm down, Tony’s gonna lose it!” Made me happy as fuck, but pissed too—why ain’t this everywhere? Society’s all tight-assed about it, actin’ like it’s dirty. Bullshit! It’s art, man, pure art. “Talk to Her” style—silent connection, y’know? “Her skin’s so soft,” that’s what I’m thinkin’ while she’s kneadin’ me like dough. Surprised the hell outta me how it’s not just horny vibes—relaxes you deep, like soul-level shit.

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After the show, I finally get to pitch my idea. I’m all hyped up, and I’m like, “Listen, folks! We need to embrace tech!” But halfway through, my phone buzzes. It’s my buddy, sendin’ memes. I can’t help but laugh. I’m tryin’ to keep it together, but I’m crackin’ up in front of everyone.

Missing Carrick-on-Shannon teenager located