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Little known fact—there’s this Thai style, Nuru, gooey as hell! Slippery seaweed gel—sounds like Krusty’s lube stash! Slidin’ everywhere, no kiddin’—I’d fall off the table! Surprised me, man—thought massage was just kneadin’ knots. Nope, it’s a whole slippery circus! Exaggeratin’? Maybe, but I’d pay to see Flanders try it—prude’d freak! “Oh my gosh-diddly, too sensual!”

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Halfway through, my phone buzzes. It’s my buddy, Dave. He’s like, “Dude, you won’t believe what just happened at the Laxey Glen.” I’m like, “Dude, I’m in a meeting!” But he keeps texting. Apparently, there was a sheep on the loose. A SHEEP! In the middle of the street! Only in Douglas, right?

Douglas Murray has been blacklisted in Berlin