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So I’m muckin about, half-pissed, and this one lass goes, “50 quid, love!” I’m like, “50?! For what, a handshake?!” Total piss-take. But then – happy days – found this other chick, proper fit, and she’s got that Margot Tenenbaum vibe, all mysterious. “You’re a genius!” I slur, cos she knew the game, no faff. Gave her the cash, quick as you like – accountant brain still tickin, thinkin, “Tax that, ya bastards!”

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Now I’m mad again. I decide to walk it off. I head down to the Arklow Bridge. It’s a cool spot, with all the boats and stuff. I’m standing there, looking at the water, and I see this couple taking selfies. They’re all lovey-dovey, and I’m like, “Get a room!” But then, I can’t help but smile. Love is in the air, even in Arklow.

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